Feeling forever fulfilled -#BlogItIntoExistence June 2020

A light shines within me, through me and around me and this light will forever protect me and attract what’s good. I am abundant, I am safe, I am loved.

This month’s mantra

I’ve come a very long way when it comes to feeling perpetually fulfilled! The problem is, I expect myself to do this all the time. I put so much pressure on myself to feel good, that it starts to make me feel bad.

In reality, and I know this very well because I have preached it on here countless times is that true mindfulness isn’t all about “feeling good”, it’s about feeling how you currently feel. When you’re human, there’s no way you can feel good all the time, 100 percent of the time. And we shouldn’t have to. We have a right to respond to our surroundings and have a right to our opinions, feelings and emotions. What I want to do, however, is feel fulfilled throughout life’s ebbs and flows.

I declare that I will feel fulfilled regardless of what I face. I will rest on the remembrance of God and will feel perpetually protected as a result. No matter what happens, I will remember that I am safe, I am being guided and I am never alone. I have my angels with me at all times who are watching over me and intervening to protect me under God’s will and I have a direct channel to the maker of the universe who listens to me and answers me. A direct channel with the maker. Wow.

When I see adversity, I want to remember God first. I want to have an “okay, I feel xyz and I honour myself for feeling my feelings right now. Through these feelings, I have God” approach. I don’t want to panic or turn on my fight, flight or freeze response. I want to remain present. I am present. I am happy. I am fulfilled.

With this attitude, I possess the key. I am in my power. I am in direct contact with God and I am able to create a duo that is unstoppable. My feelings are my best friend because they are my GPS system that when I can identify properly, I can separate intuition from ego in the same manner as oil and water.

Those around me will notice this energy shift, even if subconsciously. Those who seek to harm or control me will from now be repelled to do so because they can feel my closeness to God. They can feel that I am being protected and that I am constantly in communication with the almighty. A light will shine within me, through me and around me and this light will forever protect me and attract what’s good. I am abundant, I am safe, I am loved.

For these reasons, June will be pivotal for me. June is pivotal for me. This powerful blog post has set an even more powerful intention and I am basking in joy knowing that it is already done.

What are your intentions for the month?

I love you all

Diana xoxoxox

Instagram: @flowerknafeh
Twitter: @superknafeh

Here’s how I use my iPad to make the most of quarantine

Lockdown has been a challenge. I’ve been trying to make the most of it, but naturally, sadness and anxiety get the better of me at times. I’m not going to try to make everything go away and force us into toxic positivity. But, I want to make things easier for all of us and I’d like to share something that has helped me.

I bought an iPad when I was still a student and it was always there for me as my little study buddy. Venturing into adulthood, I didn’t really need it as much and it started to collect dust. Now, I only ever use my iPad when I’m travelling or if I need to for work (rare). Earlier this year, I was watching Adrienne Everheart’s video on entering the new year with a feminine makeover (yes, you can be feminist and feminine, but that’s another topic we’ll explore later on) and one of the things she suggested was decluttering your phone.

Initially, I snubbed at the thought. But I was intrigued, so I decided to delete old apps I don’t use, organise everything in folders and bung the folders in a second page instead of the front page. I only have three folders on my front page: one for navigation when I go out, one for self preservation apps and a third one for apps I use daily. The rest are in organised folders on a second page and my phone is super clean to look at. I also use my wallpaper for affirmations which I change every so often.

I used the same principle for my iPad. I deleted all of my old apps (though the apps from when I was a student are STILL there. I love my geeky legacy) and organised the ones I’m keeping in different folders. You can make folders for for productivity, education, games, exercise, media, entertainment, device tools, the possibilities are endless.

Then, you organise your folders into pages. This can really help those who have issues with duality. I have three pages on my iPad: A blank page, a page for entertainment, reading and fun and a page for tools and more serious apps. Having them like this makes it easy to organise my iPad and it changes the mood, so it doesn’t feel like I’m mixing fun with work.

The most important thing is to delete all social media! Before I did this, I found myself switching effortlessly from the magazines app to Twitter, or my iBooks app to Facebook. You want to make sure your tablet is a space where you can encourage mindfulness and to ensure you won’t enter a place. I found myself needing Instagram because I want to do IG Live workouts on a screen bigger than my phone, so I left myself with the options of either keeping it but putting it on a separate page of its own away from my other apps, or downloading it and deleting it as and when I need it.

Don’t forget to feel your feelings. We’re in strange times and we don’t need to be productive. Don’t let hustle culture force you to trap your emotions and stop you from processing. Take care of yourself and do what you need to do.

I appreciate you and love you very much.

Diana xox

Instagram: @flowerknafeh
Twitter: @superknafeh

Wanting others to ‘awaken’ says more about us than them. Here’s why

Awakening is a funny concept.

Often, the journey to enlightenment comes after going through a particular trauma and studying to find life beyond your egoic self. You go on a deeper life mission to find out about yourself and the rest of the world, you realise the beauty in oneness and you seek to share it with the rest of the world because “oh my God! If my life is so much better, imagine how everyone else will feel when they hear about this!”

Then you realise the process of healing isn’t linear. You realise there’s a plethora of healing methods and coping mechanisms as you enter a phase of trial and error. You try to unlock the shadow self, which gets messy and painful. You manoeuvre around the mess trying to clear it whilst walking towards the light of your “true” self outside of the ego.

Then you start to make peace with life and its ebbs and flows. You begin to view things from a higher perspective, but allow yourself the space and time to allow your emotions to process how you’re feeling. In fact, your feelings become your priority and something you honour as opposed to something to suppress in a bid to achieve this utopia of rationalism that we were conned into buying.

Ahh, it feels so good! We’re free, we’re awake, we’re spirits with bodies and egos, but we’re no longer bound by the myth that they are all we are!

So why isn’t anyone else awakening? Why is everyone around me suffering and I’m not?

It’s frustrating, I know. You see people suffering and you want to snap them out of it so they can live their best lives.

The real question is: What does their lack of spiritual awareness represent to you and what does it say about your journey?

Let’s be real. Who even said your awakening is done? If your ego is telling you to pressure others, you’ve got some more digging to do. Not that it’s shameful, it’s human.

Life is a mirror. Everything around us that causes us to emotionally react has a root in how we view ourselves and how we view the world.

Don’t just ask yourself why you want said person to awaken. Start off simple. What does this person represent to you? What emotions do you feel when you think about them?

Write them down. Happiness, hopelessness, frustration, anger, your need for acceptance, your need to be loved, your need to fix people/things, etc etc.

You may, or may not see patterns right away. Meditate on them and continue to do soul searching work to figure out what these patterns are and where they came from. Every day, you observe and release. When the inclination to try to control another person’s awakening comes, observe it.

You may realise that yes, you do love this person, but they spend all their time judging you that you want them to awaken so you feel accepted. You may realise it’s a part of your martyr/saviour complex where you don’t feel worthy unless you attach your happiness to the happiness of someone else. The reasons and possibilities are endless.

Path of least resistance

One of the laws of the universe is the path of least resistance. This means energy is more likely flow in the direction where there’s lots of tension. It’s a pretty beautiful law, but it’s also amongst the reasons people stay in toxic cycles throughout their lives because so many of us are afraid of the unknown and don’t take kindly to change. So the path of change tenses up.

It’s hard to see our loved ones suffer, but when we force people to leave their natural spiritual route, we make them suffer more. A spiritual awakening should never come from an interventionist stance. It causes more resistance and those unawakened will continue their path because it has the least resistance.

Our energies are intertwined. When you see someone enjoying a dish at a restaurant and you become tempted to try it not because of the dish itself, but because of the emotional and energetic reaction it invoked.

So really, even stressing about someone else’s journey is toxic. You need to find what it is within you that is causing your body and spirit to tense up and let it go.

Situations are different. Of course, when someone is harming themselves or others, direct intervention is needed to actively stop someone from doing something dangerous. Matters of the spirit are different. The most you can do is show the that there is another way, make them feel safe and let them be. Seek to inspire through your inner glow as opposed to pressuring from your ego.

You’re all beautiful. Sending you all love

Instagram: @flowerknafeh
Twitter: @superknafeh

RESOURCE: Chakra and Healing Sounds Playlists

Peace, my loves!

Yes, I know it has been a while.

Yes, I know I always start with this but trying to blog once a week was too much. It seemed like a chore and I wanted to focus more on my @flowerknafeh Instagram blog instead. Despite doing all of that, my heart truly finds peace when writing. I feel happy to be back here.

Yesterday evening, I was at an event hosted by @seedsofsalma where we spoke about energy, chakra, consciousness and Islam all in one. It was amazing to be in a space with fellow Muslim girls who also subscribe to ancient energy science. I took a lot of time to process the energy work I was doing and didn’t really like talking about it because I felt as though I knew too little. Now that I’m coming out of this period of introspect, I want to share a resource I was working on for a while: Chakra playlists and sound healing frequencies.

I’m still learning about the power of these frequencies, I’ll write more about them, but I have been working on different playlists for each chakra that I wanted to share with you all.

Root Chakra

Sacral Chakra

Solar Plexus Chakra

Heart Chakra

Throat Chakra

Third Eye Chakra

Crown Chakra

Here are some other meditative playlists that I have:

Meditations and misc

Affirmations for self love

Affirmations for healthy relationships

That’s all so far! I’ll add more as I continue to make more. Peace and love! xox

Why asking ‘why’ will get you what you want

Those who know me know I’m a serious believer in the fact that our spirituality is paramount to manifesting our external experiences. I’m consistently talking about manifesting, energy, kundalini, etc but at the same time when I’m alone or with my closest friends, my overthinking can go into overdrive.

Even though I know I shouldn’t, when I’m attached to an outcome, I go crazy with overthinking. I find it hard to calm my mind – this is especially the case in social situations. At times, if I’m expecting a very important call, I obsess about it until I’m forced to forget about it. The moment I go about with my day because I get busy is usually when I get the call. This happened to me with a parcel I was expecting recently and oh my God!

Even though I’m well versed about these laws of life and I’m very in tune with my spirituality, I’m human. But to get what I want, it means I need to not fight, but manure around my thoughts. One way to do this is to ask myself: why.

Think about it this way: when a thought sprouts, we grow it by answering one of these six questions: Who? What? Where? When? Why? How?

Say you’re trying to manifest a certain amount of money and you find yourself getting anxious over it, you tend to get anxious over when it will come to you, who will give it to you, where it will come from, how it will come to you and what the process of this money will look like.

By answering these five questions, you’re wasting your energy on the outcome. You’re entertaining your anxiety and you start overthinking which goes against the laws of the universe. The more you stress about something, the more you block it from coming into you.

So when you want to entertain a certain thought, what’s the best thing to do? Ask why.

Why do I want this money? Why do I want to do ____ with this money? Why will it make me feel good? Why do I want to feel good?

Then you can enter the what’s and who’s sporadically if it serves the exercise by asking stuff like: what will this make me feel?

The point of this is to take your mind away from the process of things happening – they tend to just happen in weird ways. I got my first journalism job after I was crushed when Al Jazeera (yooooo guys no hard feelings – God had a plan for me) rejected my internship application. Yes, I wanted to work for Al Jazeera but I wanted to work for them because I wanted to work in a Middle East journalism and I wanted to be free about being pro-Palestine affffff.

I didn’t get Al Jazeera, but I got a different job and that led me to working in a pro-Palestine news outlet and I got to write about Middle East everything. The what, who and how, when and where didn’t work out, but the why did. Eventually.

I wanted to make a difference with this blog, but last year, it was going on a completely different path. I had a very long period of writer’s block and I was very frustrated that I couldn’t write. Then, I changed. My inspiration changed and my vision for the blog changed because of my life experience. Yeah, it’s different, but the “why” behind my intention of blogging, which is to help others and to hash out my own thoughts coherently has manifested. Just in a different direction.

Let go – faaackkking hate it

This essentially, is what letting go is. Don’t let go of the desire. Just let go of the outcome. The problem is, because everyone talks about it, it seems impossible and unattainable.

All you really need to do is get the tools to re-train your mind. This shit takes time so please don’t beat yourself up. First of all, you need to understand that you need to train and re-direct your mind and thoughts to get this peace. Set an intention and do it.

This is why it’s so important to observe your mind and thoughts. I read this all the time but earlier on, I used to observe my thoughts and shrug.

“Okay, whatever I am observing me being an anxious wreck what the hell now ya flipping books/youtubers/etc???”

The thing that many forget to tell you is that when you observe, you need to do it with an aim. Allow the negative energy to pass through you but then you need to use the model of “who, what, when, where, why and how” to organise your thoughts and see what exactly is the source of the anxiety.

So, you could be anxious about timing, or a specific person, it could be you believe it’s unattainable. It could be anything. Then go in and thank the thought because it’s coming from your ego and as much as we like to demonise it, without it, we would be dead. A certain amount of fear is healthy after all.

After you thank it, you can either speak to the thought as if it’s a child and calm your mind down “I get you’re worried about ____ but this isn’t your job right now” or you can return to the original topic and instead of thinking about the outcome, you enter a state of flow by asking why you want what you want and continuing to ask why to each answer of each question.

When you do that, rather than attaching yourself to the outcome, you become in line with the emotion. That, along with a lot of conviction and patience is where you need to be for things to come into your life.

Guys, trust me, I know this is frustrating but we’re human. It’s easier said than done and I know this because I am still training my mind. Don’t give up though! xoxoxox

On loving unconditionally – is it really as ridiculous as it seems?

Loving unconditionally is an ideal that always felt unfair to me. It has always felt like an unrealistic ideal that only delusional people could attain through living in a bubble and being grossly naive. It seemed to me that to love unconditionally, one would need to live in a bubble and shut out all of their feelings, opinions and most importantly: standards.

I’ve always been told that loving unconditionally is emancipating. I’ve heard time after time in the plethora of self-help books, videos and podcasts that unconditional love is the way forward. The concept irked me because to me, loving someone is giving them a part of me. It’s sacrifice.

That was until I realised it’s my actual definition of love that’s warped, rather than the concept of loving unconditionally (I think I grew up listening to waaay too much Amr Diab, haha).

Last weekend was my turning point. I went to a vegan yoga festival and was supposed to get there for 3pm for the kundalini yoga class. My friend and I arrived late and missed the class so we went to the talk instead. We entered at a point and I heard something that I’m sure God planned for me to hear it.

He defined unconditional love in its truest form:

“When there’s someone who comes into this room, you obviously don’t feel love for that person the way you feel towards your closest friend, or partner, or family member.”

This one comment annoyed me so much that it forced me to think. How do I actually look at people when they walk in? I judge them. I look at what they’re wearing, how they carry themselves, what they say, etc. In other words, I attach myself to their experience and emotionally invest in their presence.

So, if the opposite of doing this is to love them, I must detach. How do I do this? Empathy.

Even empathy seems like extra work, but that’s only because we’ve associated with loving someone and having empathy with a form of martyrdom. In order to love, you must be willing to sacrifice and give a part of yourself to someone else. We only love if we’re able to, it’s never natural — or at least that’s what we’ve been conditioned to believe.

It all starts from within

I don’t believe self-love is to absolutely feel amazing about yourself at all times. It’s to detach from what you think of yourself to know the outside stuff is a fraction of who you really are.

It’s to allow yourself to view yourself as a whole being, not through the lexicon of your face, acne, lips, hair, body, financial situation, career etc. You don’t try to love yourself regardless of your perceived flaws, you simply don’t identify as a part of yourself as if it’s your whole self.

So really, to love yourself unconditionally is to detach and observe. Same with loving anything and anyone unconditionally. The same way you don’t attach yourself to the person who just walked into the room. You give them the space to be themselves without injecting judgement into their aura. That’s love.

Loving your lovers

With those whom you love in a more intimate way, the same rule applies. You love someone because of who they are in their whole true selves.

Naturally, we attach ourselves to people because of certain qualities we see in them that mirror what we have, or what we want. A man may love a woman because he projects a maternal standard that he has, which she seems to meet. The moment she stops being his version of motherly, his love for her ebbs.

To love unconditionally is to love regardless. This isn’t to say you become a doormat — rather it’s the opposite. You love someone enough to want to act upon it, but you have enough love for them and yourself when you realise your relationship is getting unhealthy.

With a strong sense of self that can only come with learning to love yourself unconditionally, you can draw boundaries or just let go.

Even after you’ve let go, you still love them unconditionally. Let yourself feel your feelings towards them, but don’t attach your worth to their presence. It’s that simple and that bloody emancipating.

PS: I know I’ve abandoned this blog for a year, I’ll get back to blogging again. I just need to develop a routine.

Trust your gut. Protect your energy.

I’ve been speculating a lot on gut feelings recently. For those who know me, I am a very spiritual person. I am also quite emotional. I hated this about myself for the longest time, but I’m learning to love my emotions as a part of myself. After all, they are our God given GPS guide, right?

It’s hard. We want to listen to our gut feelings and we want to just sail through our emotions, but egos, blockages and residence don’t allow us sometimes. There are times our egos take us into a whirlwind of emotions that we fake a gut feeling. There are other times that our gut feelings are so strong but we stomp on them because we are so insistent on getting what we want at that time in that place.

You know what? This shit is completely normal. It’s completely understandable and it’s completely human. Desire sweeps us off our feet. We think we want something without studying the reality of it and without wondering if we’ve created this placebo to pretend to fulfil our innermost deepest desires, or whether we want it.

This happens a lot in friendships and relationships. We idealise people and scenarios because we feel like they’re our saviours from a room within ourselves that we treat as a dumping ground which we don’t want to dive into and sort out. We plaster it with what we think are fulfilling interactions, but are simply just avoidance mechanisms.

We quickly build dreams on hopes that have no real foundation, because our ego at that time tells us it’s what we want. The whispers of our ego are so strong that we convince ourselves it’s a gut feeling. I’ve made this mistake a lot and I’ve paid some pretty heavy prices.

With gut feelings, they just come. One time, I was with someone I really cared about. Some things from this person that I used to see were more apparent to me. This person’s anger, emotional distance and somewhat dubious behaviour jumped out in my face. Before we had even managed to sit down, one reaction from one tiny instance stuck with me and I had a feeling that I would never see this person again in the context in which we were.

We sat down and I was quiet. I didn’t realise I was quiet until this person mentioned it. I looked at my orange juice and I realised it was almost finished within minutes; something I almost never do.

“You’re very quiet today. Usually I’m the one who’s quiet and you’re always talking and today it’s the other way around.”

I laughed and I tried to make an effort to speak, but something wasn’t right, even though the situation was completely normal. I just knew this wouldn’t last and I was grieving something that hadn’t even ended yet. An hour later, came the beginning of the end.

When your gut is telling you something, your senses are alive. You don’t know why and how, but they’re alive. You feel your internal space open up.

When you’re coming from a space of anxiety and “this just has to work out because I need it to” or “watch this bullshit will manifest – I’m so sure of it” or “I can’t function without ___ so it has to come back into my life”, these thoughts aren’t a gut feeling. Such thoughts are accompanied with desperation and panic. There’s an attachment to these thoughts that make us believe it’s the end of the world if they don’t manifest, so they must manifest because that’s how our lives have to be led.

Introspect saves us a lot. I’ve dealt with these by learning to enjoy my own company. I’ve fostered a sense of curiosity to battle my ongoing anxiety. Rather than needing things to turn out a certain way, I look at what this thing represents to me and I try to hold on to the underlying feeling.

For example, if you need to get into a certain academic institute to feel adequate, try replacing it with feeling proud of yourself for all that you’ve achieved to capture this adequacy you crave. That way, you’re detached, but you’ve also got enough energy to invest in actualising your dream rather than depleting it with stress.

Introspect also stops us from dragging on a friendship and relationship way after its expiration date. If you need to put in more energy to keep a spark, consider if it’s something that is meant for you or not. Yes, rough patches pop up. Yes, we must overcome and we must communicate, but if you feel like something is draining you and you’re jumping through hoops trying to fix what can’t be fixed, let go.

There’s a huge difference between giving up and letting go. Giving up is allowing things to crumble and breaking them so they shatter before your eyes. Letting go, however, is different. When true colours show, when problems arise that weren’t sorted out by communication, when toxic habits are far too deep, etc etc. You just know. Trust the feeling and peacefully move on.

If something is meant to be in your life, trust it will. People come back when they’re supposed to be and friendships rekindle at the right time. Breathe, trust yourself, love yourself and listen to yourself. Know that you’re self sufficient and nothing in this world that leaves you can make you less of who you are.

Just as I was writing this, an old friend messaged me. Turns out we had both been thinking about each other at the same time for the past few weeks. We really do communicate on an energetic level. Trust this communication happens and there are conversations our energies have had that we need to actualise in our physical lives. This includes gut feelings before goodbyes.

Trust your inner light because it’s guided by God.

Peace and love and light and all things amazing to you all.

Love you all xoxoxox

Recipe: Vegan labneh (yes, really)

Helloooo my darlings!!

God, it feels like yesterday I became vegan. Remember when I was trying to blog it into existence in July? Haha!

I’ve been pretty good at finding alternatives to cheese and yoghurt – the only two dairy products I actually ate (the thought of eggs and milk have been making me heave for yeaarrrss). I still haven’t brought vegan cheese to the house and if I wanted some at home, I’d make it myself the way I made my own parmesan cheese.

I remember labneh was one of the first things that came to mind when giving up dairy. My whole childhood is characterised by labneh – from the way I used to love labneh mixed with olive oil in a zaatar, cucumber, tomato and olive pitta to feeling embarrassed when my mum made me labneh sandwiches at school and everyone else had standard ham and cheese that was too haram for my family’s liking. Giving it up wasn’t just giving up yoghurt, it was giving up an essential part of my childhood and my beautiful culture.

Dramatic? I’m Palestinian. We’re allowed to be dramatic after decades of exile, displacement, siege, etc. Being possessive of our food is one of the very ways we, especially in the diaspora hold onto our wonderful roots.

So, here’s the recipe – I have been experimenting a lot over the past few weeks and I finally have something I’m impressed with. The yield is what you see in the photo.


2 cups of cashews – soaked
1 lemon
3 tablespoons of water to start and add more if needed (I ended up adding around 4 tbsps)
2 teaspoons of vinegar (just make sure the vinegar isn’t dark in colour so it doesn’t stain the labneh)
Salt to taste – I added 1.5 teaspoons of pink Himalayan salt and then added a crap load more because I love it salty


  • Soak the cashews in hot water for at least an hour – you’ll know they’re done when they feel bendy
  • Drain and add to the high speed blender or food processor
  • Add the wet ingredients to it and start blending until it’s creamy. I blended for around 5 mins

Guys, it’s really that easy. There are some catches and mistakes I made so listen up:

First of all, don’t use dark coloured vinegar. Mine turned out darker than it should because I used half apple cider vinegar and half malt vinegar because I was scared of it tasting too much like apple cider. Stupid mistake. In retrospect, I should have added more lemon and less vinegar or mixed apple cider vinegar with another vinegar. Here are some vinegars you can use:

  • Apple cider vinegar
  • White wine vinegar
  • Rice vinegar
  • Brown rice vinegar
  • Cane vinegar
  • Coconut vinegar

Each type has different properties so be sure to look up the type of vinegar. Next time I do it, I’m probably going to either mix apple cider with rice vinegar or just use rice vinegar.

Almonds – ahhhhh! I remember when I first tried to make vegan cream cheese I did it with almonds. Huge bloody mistake. It is doable but it definitely wasn’t for my first time. Almonds aren’t as creamy as cashews and they take longer to soften up. Then you have to peel them if you haven’t bought them pre-peeled which is such a long process that it makes you want to peel your own skin off instead. You also risk breaking a nail regardless of the tool you use. Waah! So always start with cashews.

Mix the mixture! If you’re scared don’t be afraid to take the labneh out and put it back in to make sure it’s all well incorporated. You can change the texture if you don’t like it. When I made it at first it was really thick which I loved because it reminds me of the texture of when you spread labneh balls. Then I wanted to make it look like actual labneh so I put the mixture back in the blender, added a tiny bit of water and started blending again until it turned creamy af:

Not the best quality photo but hey you get the idea – less is more. You can soften it if it’s too dry/not creamy enough easily but difficult to reverse if it’s too soggy

It really helped me to boost my confidence in the labneh because I saw how easy it was to change the texture.

Guys, keep trying. If you don’t get it right the first time, it’s okay. Analyse and learn from your mistakes and trust that you’ll make it perfectly the next time round!!

And once you learn how to make a creamy paste out of nuts, you can adapt it in different ways. Skip the vinegar and add nutritional yeast (or maybe turmeric) for a cheese spread. You can also make sweeter versions. I’m going to be experimenting with lots of different styles so if you want me to try something out, hit me up!

Good luck and love you all!! Thank you all so so so much for reading this and do repost and let me know if you made it. I absolutely love talking to you guys!

Diana xoxo

How gratitude soothes the anxious mind – my story

To put it bluntly, anxiety is a bitch. It is a crippling condition that controls literally every aspect of your life at any moment. It’s something that creeps up on you, it’s something that remains dull in the background as you try to live your life, it’s something that puts your brain in a kebab skewer and punches each part of it as your brain spins around, it’s just UGH.

Coupled with a side of tomatoes in balsamic dressing known as depression, your mental health is in for a ride.

It really does suck. This time last year, I was unable to even think properly without my anxiety and depression paralysing my thoughts. This year, I focused on my recovery and did almost everything that came to mind to get rid of this anxiety and depression that has plagued me for so long. Some things worked, others were a waste of time. But what I realised, one thing that consistently made me feel better was gratitude.

There are tons of avenues in our lives that teach us to be grateful. For Muslims and other religious people, we’re always taught to thank God to show that we aren’t demeaning him. Take God out of the equation and we’re still taught to be thankful because things could be worse, or to not seem ungrateful to what is around us. When we’re taught to be thankful in this way, we’re in a way taught to settle and are shamed for wanting to evolve. We’re blackmailed into being grateful, which is why we never see the fruits of it.

In reality, gratitude not supposed to snap us out of a self pity party in the slightest. Gratitude is food for the soul.

Gratitude teaches us to be present. When you’re thankful and counting your blessings, you’re snapped out of the regrets of the past and anxieties of the future. It’s just that moment. Look at this moment. Look around you. Nothing in this moment can hurt you. The future will always have its unpredictable nature that can put us in a whirlwind of emotions and the past will always make you look back and cringe, or drown in sorrow on what could have been, but those are out of your control.

I don’t entirely believe that the past and future are sources of negativity. I do believe you can look at them strategically to fuel you, but that’s another blog post for another day. It’s also something that you can only do when you master the power of being present.

Look at it this way: focusing on the present means you’re pooling all of your energy on what is. You’re not procrastinating by drowning in fear and regret. You thank yourself for what you do have, even if you’re not fully convinced that you’re thankful and you just live.

To be grateful also means you’re not so harsh on yourself. Think about how hard it is for you to find motivation when you have someone breathing down your neck, reminding you of your “incompetence” daily. Now think about it again in the context of your own internal dialogue telling you that you’re not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not rich enough, etc.

These notions have a root. Somewhere throughout your life, you convinced yourself that you aren’t worthy of your desires, which is strange because we’ve decided that we have limitations that we didn’t even know about when we were born. That only means we learned them along the way as our lives progressed.

We’ve decided that things are tough – that it’s impossible to be at our healthy weight, that money is unattainable, that our jobs will always be suckish. We look at our present reality, which may not be the best and we decide that we’re stuck this way. There’s no progression.

We can lie to ourselves and pretend that everything is okay with the intention of hiding, but that only takes us so far. Something bad happens or we remember that we don’t have our ideal job/relationship/health/etc and we’re back down. What’s problematic is that people think this is how you “affirm” to get where you want to be.

Then there’s affirming what may not already be ours, but feeling like we’re lying to ourselves because we think the mere thought of us even edging closer to a dream is farfetched.

Keep going. Keep giving thanks for what is around you even when you don’t feel very grateful and you want to punch the universe in the face.

By practicing gratitude and affirming that you are where you need to be, you’re rewriting your story. You’re breaking connections in your brain that you’ve spent years cultivating. You’ll meet resistance and you’ll feel like you’re lying to yourself because the thought of you being good enough is so foreign to your brain that you’ll want to quickly fall back into old habits.

When you feel like you want to get back into those comfortable debilitating old thought patterns, thank yourself. Thank yourself for all of the hard work you’re putting in (even if you feel like there’s no work being put at all) and just keep going. Allow yourself to feel shit, but know it’s a feeling and it will pass. Don’t block it and don’t drown in it. Let it go through you. Whilst you’re doing that, keep doing the inner work. Eventually you’ll find your emotions, your thoughts, your feelings and even your actions align and take you to a much healthier place.

Yes, anxiety and depression may come and visit you, but eventually, you’ll be able to mentalise better when these ebbs do hit because you’ve been training your mind to look at a picture that extends your limiting beliefs.

Here are some affirmations you can use:

  • I am a magnet for money
  • All of my relationships are healthy and happy
  • I am more than enough
  • Daaaayuuumnn I look goooood today!
  • Kindness is oozing out of people around me
  • Everything I think about manifests

I’m going to be off now – but this post is just an overview. I’ll get into detail with each topic later on. Just let me know which ones you want!

Filling my own cup – #BlogItIntoExistence September 2018

So, for the month of August, I didn’t blog apart from my #BlogItIntoExistence series! Sorry! Those who know me know it was a very hectic month. I was very uninspired most of the month and I didn’t want to write half-hearted posts that I’d rush just for filling a quota.

I also started my Instagram for my blog (mainly food) and I’ve been busy with it experimenting. So yeah, follow me!


Anyway, this month, I’m working on changing my perspective. I’m working on trying to find the joy in life and chasing it in order to keep my focus.

What the f^%£?????

Basically, I’m working inwards to change my outward situation. There are so many things in life that I want to change at this stage. There are things that are a huge source of my anxiety and things that I am trying to manifest into my life. I know my energy is focused more on the anxiety of what I don’t have rather than trying to put in the spiritual and physical work to get what I want. It’s tiring, draining and disgustingly counterproductive.

I know with what I’m trying to manifest into my life isn’t a straight arrow the way manifesting everything else has been. Previously, I wanted good grades, so I studied hard. I wanted a nicer body, so I trained hard.

Then there were times I wanted to find my path and find out who I am, but it was nowhere near linear. I was stuck in my mind. I was floating between making choices, accepting fate and walking around with a blocked nose — I was able to see a road, but unable to smell it to know if it stunk or not. I just had to keep walking and hope for the best.

I’m in one of those situations right now. This time, however, I want to do it differently. I don’t want to stress about it. I don’t want to get scared. I don’t want anxiety to take over me. I want to be in control in this uncertainty and embrace it for the beautiful awakening journey it is.

I’ve been trying hard, but I recently came to the conclusion that the only way I do that is to quite literally “keep my eyes on the prize”. Everything above, below and around is just a part of the journey. I aim to embrace the journey, give thanks and understand that regardless what my situation may be, this is all prep-work for when I reach my destination.

I am letting go of the “how” and I am accepting that no matter what, I’ll get there. All roads lead to home. I will be okay, eventually. So why keep stressing? I believe that God will answer my prayers but I have tests to pass and lessons to learn on my journey. I need to be content without what I want in order to be in the healthiest and least co-dependent state to receive it.

Today, my day was completely made because I bumped into an old school friend (apart from parking being BRUTAL in London, this is one of the reasons I prefer public transport over driving any day) on my way to meet a current friend, whom I absolutely had an amazing time with. When this old friend and I saw each other on the train platform, we literally just hugged and spoke about everything that there is to talk about in the short time we had.

Him and I both had perceived unconventional career paths (I won’t be giving the details of the conversation out of respect for his privacy). He had a clear goal in life and a clear passion when he was at school and so did I. Writing was my passion from childhood and his passion was one I immediately remembered him by.

At school, we were both told that we wouldn’t amount to our passions and we should find something more realistic. With me, race was a huge obstacle because being 8 when 9/11 happened and feeling the first wave of post-9/11 style institutionalised Islamophobia in the Western world as a Westerner myself, I was told my view was one that could not be vocalised in the media.

For the longest time, I thought my only hope in journalism was if I left the UK and became one in a country where my views were more “accepted” — or just sell out where I’ll still find difficulties because my middle name is Mohammed.

Despite this, we both manifested our dreams. Alhamdulillah. I was so happy for him. The common denominator? I think it was love. Love for our hobbies and passions, which later turned into our careers. Because we were working from the heart, our hearts led us to our destination. I didn’t even study journalism and I was applying for safe jobs. I got rejection after rejection and found a way to do what I always wanted to do.

I’ve decided to take this lesson with me.I learned it a long time ago, but I never really processed it. When it comes to my latest goal, I want to experiment with having tunnel vision. I will be open minded with the “how” part, but I will not settle for anything less than the prize that God has written for me.

I will not lie, right now, it seems like nothing really is happening for me with this goal and this part of my life feels so incredibly stale. This moment is irrelevant though because it’s a moment in a greater journey. It’s a moment I have taught myself to appreciate because I’m learning to fill my own cup.

I’m going to start posting regularly again. Sorry for the unannounced hiatus!!

Love you all xoxox