Fuck all the advice you heard about ‘being yourself’

Imagine nothing can hurt you. Things come and go, people drift in and out until those who are meant to stay remain in your life, you face problems but deal with them with the help of a strong core and a secure sense of self. They may not vanish, but they’re in the background of elements that form your story. You’re still you.

You will evolve. You’ll grow, you’ll shrink, you’ll think you’re growing but realise you’re exactly the same, you’ll think you’re shrinking or even falling into an abyss but you realise when you land on a rainbow that you were actually being transported.

You’re on a rollercoaster, living your story. This is what it means to be authentic, to be your true self.

It took me a while to figure this out. At one point, I thought being authentic was to not have a filter and to be “straight-up”. I respected those who hurt others with their words, envying they have a quality of sheer honesty that I lacked.

Bullshit.

To be your authentic self is not to be careless with words under a pretext of honesty, it’s an inside job. I know I’m sounding like a 9/11 conspiracy theory blog by talking about how everything is an inside job and singing this phrase like a broken record, but trust me it really is. The issue is how do you get to the point where you realise and actualise it.

In this case, all we really need to do is to take a step back and observe. We bring ourselves to the mode of having unconditional love for ourselves by removing all judgement.

“Okay, yeah I’m an anxious wreck right now, it’s just now”

“Okay I hate my body and I can’t bring myself to love my belly, that’s fine — no need”

“I got drunk again, okay”

“I’m drowning in self-hate and depression, that’s just me right now and it’s only now”

It sounds so unproductive and counter-intuitive, but, think about it this way. When we stress about something that we don’t like about ourselves, we’re adding extra stress on ourselves because we’re stressing about stressing. Instead of stressing about stressing because you’re stressed, be okay with stressing because you’re stressed.

That’s a layer of stress shed. That’s literally one less layer of stress you have on your stress. We’re human and it’s very hard to be fulfilled with who we are. It’s unfair on you as a person to put that pressure on yourself when you make that life-changing intention to live your truth.

It seems like nothing, but it really is the best starting point. Allow yourself to feel the way you feel and forgive yourself. Or don’t forgive yourself if that’s too hard, just don’t beat yourself up for it. Then make your intention to calm down and do what it is that comes to mind.

You could go for a walk, you could write it all down, you could make a smoothie, you could take a nap, you could do a guided meditation on YouTube, the list is absolutely endless.

Once you’re relaxed, even if it’s temporary, bring yourself back to your breath. Allow yourself to take in deep breaths (I always thought this to be bullshit because I used to say crap like “I’d still have the same problems when the breathing is over”). Imagine yourself inhaling positive abundance deeply and exhaling polluted energy out into the universe for it to recharge itself back into positivity.

God created the universe like this. We need to breathe in oxygen, whereas trees breathe in carbon dioxide and produce oxygen. Exhale, exhale, exhale.

When you hear a calm voice telling you that things will be okay, or an idea pops up because you’re able to view things from a birds-eye view now that you’re calm, know it’s your authentic self talking. The part of you that has the right amount of trust and has everything figured out.

Even from a more scientific perspective, your subconscious takes in so much more information than your conscious hasn’t picked up on. When your brain solves problems, it uses both your conscious and subconscious. For this process to happen, you need to let go of what it is you apparently know, and just trust.

Your problems may not magically change, but your reality will start to shift. Because you’re stepping into your authentic self, your insecurities won’t take heed in social interactions, leaving for better communication with others.

You’ll be less likely to allow others to treat you as a doormat because your authentic self knows its worth. Abandonment issues, the need for immediate partnership, a perceived inability to make friends, etc come from the ego. The ego wants to protect us so it uses the pain we’ve experienced to create walls.

The problem is, these walls become self-fulfilling prophecies and because with them up, we’re unable to say no to toxic situations, we find ourselves in endless cycles. Being your authentic self is knowing you deserve better just because you exist and you’re out there to be the best you can.

As we say in Arabic: على نيتكم ترزقون (you brew your intentions).

Good luck! xox

 

 


Photo by Ksenia Makagonova on Unsplash

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