Hard truth: People see what you see in yourself

Honestly, I don’t know where to begin. Life taught me this lesson the hard way. Thinking back to how I got to where I am is so traumatic but at the same time I am so thankful because God knew the only way I could learn this is if he put me through so many trials. I was always told that I am what I think I am, but I never believed it until I hit rock bottom and had no choice other than being positive. I had nothing to lose and was already used to disappointment, so whatever if this whole thing ended up fake and I disappointed myself even more.

It wasn’t fake.

I’ve proven this to myself time and time again – we all have. It’s just, our confidence came naturally and things started working out for us. The trick is when you’re feeling down and you have to get yourself out of a spiral through affirming what you ultimately question or don’t believe about yourself.

Trust me, I know how shit it feels to tell yourself you’re successful when you feel like you’re at the bottom of the pit. I know how it feels to tell yourself you’re loved when you feel lonely. It’s a joke. But the irony in which is beautiful because the joke becomes your reality.

This is the power you have.

Your words have matter and have the ability to quite literally change your life. Your words dictate your relationship with God (or the universe or whatever source of life you believe in). It’s not a coincidence that everything you’ve faced difficulty with are the things you told yourself would be difficult, or have shown a form of lacking in. It’s no coincidence that when you tell yourself money, love, etc are hard to come around, they become and remain hard to come around.

These views are not something that come out when you face difficulty. These views are embedded in you from past traumas, events and experiences that have shaped your life experiences. They are a product of things you have been told from childhood. You know yourself, you know where your insecurities lie and you know your own story. Stop running away from all of these things — face them head on and defeat these thoughts. Fight them. Tell yourself you are worthy of love, you are worthy of abundance, you are worthy of financial stability, you are worthy of your customers/clients taking you seriously.

It can be as simple as affirming your professionalism if you are a businessperson and you want a friend to take you seriously and not expect discounts from you because of a service. Before seeing this friend, you will refer to them as a client in your head. You will keep reminding yourself that your products/services are worthy to be sold. You will keep reminding yourself that you are professional and you will act on all of these things. Yes, you may want to go into gossip mode during the meeting, but that’s your insecurities telling you to do so because you’re afraid of not being taken seriously enough if you do attempt at putting on a more strict mask.

Hence, affirmations.

I know I’m always banging on about these, but they are so important. Be kind to yourself. Fill your personal internal space up with kind words. Even if you don’t believe the kind things you’re telling yourself, even if you feel like everything is spiralling away from you; be kind to yourselves and believe. Eventually, what you want will manifest.

Take each day and each moment as it comes. Be thankful even when you’re in a rut, not because it’s the “positive” thing to do, but because you know you will come out stronger no matter what.

Last week, I was walking from the gym in Strand and I thought to continue walking until I got to King’s College (my old University). I kept walking towards Temple Station and I remembered all of the times I took this route with heavy weights on my shoulders, considering dropping out, fearing failure and feeling like an incompetent piece of shit. It never occurred to me that four years on, I would have passed my Masters, I would have been in a job that I’m happy in, yet still managing to blog and I would never in a thousand years considered myself a failure.

Moments like this will keep happening. Things will recycle and repeat themselves. You’ll find yourself walking paths you currently walk, weeks, months and years down the line and smiling at how things panned out.

But to trust that this will happen, you need to trust yourself. To trust yourself, you need to be kind to yourself.

How to reclaim your power with repetition

If there’s one thing we underestimate, it is the power of repetition. Because our minds register absolutely everything, without realising, we absorb information that our conscious doesn’t know exists on a daily basis and unfortunately, whether we like it or not, have a huge role in forming our opinions.

I noticed this in myself recently when I saw myself giving into a form of pressure without realising. With everyone around me wanting me to “hurry up and get married before I expire”, and me being told by various people on an almost daily basis that I am going to end up alone if I don’t take advantage of my beauty and youth while I still have it to secure that part of my life, I almost felt myself starting to believe them and panicked for a tiny bit.

Why? I don’t believe in their crap. I never have and I never will. I believe naseeb is naseeb and I believe that we should never turn such matters that are out of our control into something we stress about.

The reason their mentality started to creep into my mind is because of how often I hear their reasonings and the conviction they use to express them with.

Essentially, repetition is key.

Thankfully, I unlocked that quite fast because the thoughts that have begun to creep into my mind are so out of my actual opinions and have a clear source. So why not use the power of repetition to my own advantage if it’s this powerful?

What we tell ourselves is so important. The inner dialogue we have with ourselves not only manifests itself because the conversation dictates the kind of energy we put out to the universe, but because it tells us what we can and can’t do. We physically limit ourselves based on the limiting beliefs we impose on our mind.

Dictate your own story

We’ve been telling ourselves the same story about ourselves for years; some which we can trace the source of, some we can’t. Some that we’ve had since childhood, some because they’re just comfortable to say because we’re too scared to set ourselves up for disappointment. Ironically, this is what holds us back.

Make conscious decisions to leave your mental comfort zone and tell yourself stuff that you don’t usually tell yourself. The power of repetition has been used against us since birth, telling us that we aren’t good enough in so many ways. This only proves how powerful repetition is, so use that power to your advantage instead.

It’s easy to tell ourselves that we’re unfit when the evidence is in front of us, but it’s painfully difficult to tell ourselves that we are fit and we are getting closer to our goals every day, especially if we don’t feel it. Why? Because we lean to what is comfortable and the discourse that we’re used to. Deep down, we don’t believe we can reach our goal, which is why it’s so hard for us to affirm. Let go, take the risk of being kind to yourself and watch yourself move forward.

Tell yourself amazing things, even if you don’t believe them. Allow yourself to feel silly telling yourself that you’re beautiful, fun, fit, radiate attractive energy etc and watch everything manifest into your life.

When you affirm your positive attitude to yourself through repetition, not only do you eventually start to believe what you affirm to yourself, you become more patient in attaining what you want. You know it’s coming, so you won’t resist it as much. You know you deserve what you want and you know you’re not standing in your own way. You know you’re good enough for it, so it’s just a matter of receiving it at the right time. You know a kind, merciful omnipresent higher power dictates such timings. It always turns out okay.

Self-sabotaging blessings

One of the reasons we self-sabotage our blessings is because we believe we don’t deserve them. We don’t think we’re good enough. We believe we don’t have what we want because we think don’t we deserve what we want – the moment we get it, we ruin it because we don’t think we deserve it.

This is how powerful our thoughts are. Not only do they dictate what we manifest in our lives, but they dictate the course of how they manifest. Prepare yourself for your blessings by not only believing they will come, but believing you deserve them.

Honestly, relax. This moment can’t hurt you. When you feel yourself regretting the past or worrying about the future, reconnect yourself with your breathing and absorb the moment. We may not always be able to control how we feel, but we can control what we tell ourselves to dictate our future later on. Even when you’re feeling like shit and you would never believe the positive stuff you’re telling yourself, while you’re connected to your breathing, affirm as you breathe in and feel the release of your tension when you breathe out.

In the morning, even if you don’t believe it, just tell yourself that you’re going to have an amazing day. Keep doing it even if you don’t actually have an amazing day.

Forgive your past self, be kind to your present self and know your future self will appreciate it.

Good luck xox

♡Blog it into Existence – July 2018

Hello! We’re over a week into July and it’s been an amazing month so far. I’ve been growing, detaching and steering myself into healthier habits. It took me a while to figure out how I want to grow this month because last month was so turbulent with Ramadan, travel and trying to get back into the swing of things after returning to the UK.

So for June, despite everything, I managed to fulfill my aims. I’m reading a lot more and focusing on my nutrition. I went a bit downhill when I was on holiday because I ended up eating a lot of meat in Kuwait and I didn’t read much, but when I returned, I was in full force exercising, transitioning to veganism and reading.

I feel like I’m slowly but surely getting there and I’m taking small steps to build sustainable habits for a better self.

So, let’s start with this month! I have one pretty big one this time:

  1. Have a vegan month

    I am in love with veganism. Today, my colleague (who is also Arab and vegan) and I went out and we made the most amazing nutritious vegan tortilla wrap with a creamy cashew basil pesto sauce.

    Okay, so this is going to sound weird, but I was eating a Dairylea dunkers dip on Saturday and on the package, there’s a really cute drawing of a happy cow. The irony sunk into me as I was dipping the breadstick into the cheese that in reality, the cows aren’t actually happy because of the cruel factory farming industry. It broke my heart and I swore myself off cheese that moment.

    dunkersYou guys do not understand how guilty I felt finishing it! Haha! It’s a similar story to my vegetarianism, to which I have committed myself to for four years (minus some exceptions once or twice a year), because I swore off meat whilst eating it.

    I don’t want to label myself a vegan per se because that’s just putting a lot of pressure on myself and I can’t quite divorce the misconception that veganism is somewhat of a cult from my mind. It’s stupid, I know.

    For now, at least, I want to experiment with different recipes and have fun. When I made a vegan mac a few days ago, I genuinely enjoyed cooking it. It’s really made me rekindle my love for being in the kitchen and has helped me become more creative.

    Today, I went for lunch with my fellow newly-converted Arab vegan colleague (shoutout Alex and the mother of the world Egypt) and we continued our mini tradition of making salads. This time, we wanted it to be vegan and he was craving bread, so we got whole wheat tortilla wraps. It actually reminded me of eating a shawarma, haha!

    We stuffed the tortilla rap with jalapeno hummus, a vegan creamy pesto (made by blending cashews, chilli sauce, basil and lime until it’s creamy), edamame beans, seeds and random veggies we got. along with the pesto and flavoured hummus, we seasoned the veggies with vinegar and olive oil. Simple, fast, filling and nutritious!

    Even our non-vegan colleagues who were initially sceptical liked the pesto sauce and wanted the recipe!

    Trying out the vegan life has really helped me with my mental health, physical health and has taught me to trust my instincts, because most of the time, I make up recipes myself. I’ve also learned to compromise with adapting my food to meat eater palette because I come from a meat eating household and I don’t like to shove my lifestyle down anyone’s throat.

    I’m going out on Wednesday and when booking the lounge, I actually checked into the dietary requirements and saw that you can request a vegan meal in advance. I’m sure this is the first of many!

    I’m going to blog this experience, with recipes and tips on eating out. This is going to be very exciting!

Alright, I’m out for now!

See you next week my loves! xox

Click here to learn more about the Blog it into Existence series and here to view older posts

The 3aib-ness of being female, happy and single

I was on holiday recently visiting family and naturally, being in my mid-20s, marriage was on the table. More than ever, people would politely pray I find a “good Arab man” so I can move back to the Middle East and live happily ever after with 46 kids and cook a pot-full of rice every day.

Even in the UK, my parents are growing increasingly impatient, asking what is “wrong” with me, bringing up proposals I’ve rejected and fearing my lifestyle, which is basically almost vegan will deter a suitable husband.

“You need to start eating meat because your future husband will not accept your diet”

“It’s good you go to the gym, but don’t expect your husband to want to be healthy too”

“I don’t understand how ….. is engaged/married and you’re not! You’re so much prettier than her!”

“If you didn’t reject …. you’d be in a different situation right now” [I know, which is why I don’t regret following my gut instinct]

“You have until the end of this year to find someone or I’ll get involved and make sure you marry the next person who comes to you”

I’ve noticed not caring about our relationship status as such and leaving everything to God is something that scares elders. They feel as though us being happy with where we are is a form of us getting too comfortable with our single-ness. We’re building our lives so much that we may be unable to accept just anyone.

For them, marriage is central. I understand why. I feel sad when I see my mum genuinely feeling worried that it hasn’t happened to me yet. I look at myself and I see myself getting fitter, stronger, happier each day. From our discussions, however, she looks at me and sees me getting old. It’s a mentality that is so deeply rooted in our culture that you can’t really blame them when they see us going against the grain.

We do things differently. Yes, some get married early and some get married late. Some get engaged or married early and then break it off only to realise it’s not worth marrying the wrong person and then start to take their time when they are ready (me). Generally, the anxiety of getting married was very much prevalent in our early 20s, but as women reach their mid-late 20s, the concept doesn’t become less appealing per se, but we learn that life can be enjoyed because God has blessed us in the best way for us.

Our society refuses to accept this and want to pile the pressure on us not because they want to see us happy and settled, but they want to make sure we’re “normal”. We’re supposed to accept God’s decree to prove ourselves as women of faith, but at the same time we’re supposed to drown in misery because we’re not conforming to societal norms. It’s not our situation that is threatening, but the way we deal with it; when we’re not worried, we’re transcending normative cultural expectations of us, which is deemed threatening.

Follow your own path

It must be understood that being put in this environment doesn’t encourage us. It’s counterproductive because they want us to feel enough guilt and shame until we somehow get married, creating negative correlations in our heads. Whether we realise this or not, shame is subconsciously internalised and it needs to be fixed with inner work. While you may not back down from your principles, the ongoing “what is wrong with you?” comments do whether you like it or not have an affect on you. That’s completely okay.

It’s fine to recognise that certain comments can make you question your path because when you bury the effects of them, they internalise in ways that become difficult to reach. I remember when I put on weight in my early 20s, I was always told to lose weight or I would never get married. This piled onto my self esteem issues and is one of the reasons I’m still fixated on the illusion that I am overweight.

It’s okay to realise that when people say “why not you?” triggers your insecurities, even if it’s not insecurities on your relationship status. While I laugh “why not you?” comments off when people discuss marriage with me, the “why not you?” mentality in other aspects of my life.

Get out of your way and trust your instincts

Allowing the negativity around you to internalise stops you from manifesting what you want. If you refuse to commit until your needs and standards that you’ve set for yourself and your S/O are met. If someone tells you that your standards are too high and you don’t actively counteract that, you’re not going to find someone to meet your standards because you automatically have your mind set on the negative.

You don’t need to be ignorant of your worth, you can very well know your worth, but if you don’t focus on your worth, knowing your worth will do nothing for you. Knowing your God-given gifts will take you nowhere if you don’t focus on trusting yourself and walking your own path securely, rather than because you have no other choice.

Don’t shut down the criticisms you’ll get because they’ll build up in your unconscious mind. Remember, your mind records absolutely everything without you realising. Bring the criticisms and comments to the surface and counteract them with affirmations and prayer.

Ignoring may do wonders for the ego, but we’re trying to break that shit down here. We’re here to be proud of who we are, love the paths we’re on but understand that we’re human. It’s okay to be sensitive. Being in touch with our senses is what our bodies have been programmed to do.

Their 3aib-nagging comes their ego, which is why it’s so toxic to hear and absorb. Don’t fight their ego with your ego. Rebel by flowing with God’s plan from your heart instead.

Peaaaaaceeee xox